alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
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