yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
