Rock
Scissors
Fuck
forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
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