I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
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