She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Randomize
