We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
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