Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
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