the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
