fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
Randomize
