I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
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