PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
Still dying that you shit outside
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
Randomize
