He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
Randomize
