I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
