I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Randomize
