Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
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