I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
Randomize
