Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
He uses pillows to masturbate.
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
Randomize
