WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
Randomize
