I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
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