shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
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