genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
Randomize
