I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
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