she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
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