His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
Randomize
