i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Randomize