Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
Randomize
