An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
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