I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
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