I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
Randomize
