I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
