Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Help. Why am I so naked?
Randomize
