The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
Randomize
