i think i have two assholes
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
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