What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
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I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
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