btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
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