im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
Randomize
