she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Randomize
