words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Randomize
