Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
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