the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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