I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
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