have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
Randomize
