So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
i mean i'm ok with bufu but if i'm gonna do it it needs to be a mutual agreement, and there are steps that need to be taken. you don't just go OOPS we're doing it now
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
Randomize
