How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Randomize
