no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
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