better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Randomize
