tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize
