i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
Randomize
