Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
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