Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
