i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
Randomize
