You made me cry and you don't even care
I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
Randomize
