Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
These tits shall not be calmed
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
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