The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
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