he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
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