i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
