Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
