yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
Randomize
