if you force a hooker to have sex with you and dont pay her would it be rape or theft? something to ponder
If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
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