Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
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