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Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
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