YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
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I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
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I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.