when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.