Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
Randomize
