shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
29 Of The Most Hilarious And Embarrassing Walks Of Shame Ever
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
These 23 Dudes Get Giddy From Dem Titties
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!