I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
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