...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
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