If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
A bitchslap is in order.
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
Randomize
