I missed Saved by the Bell this morning, but Ashley in a later episode of Fresh Prince is keeping the morning wood alive.
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
PS: I just woke up from my shower
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
