Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
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