apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
Randomize
