I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
Randomize
